I opined today in federal immigration court on a matter involving a middle age woman previously found guilty of committing a crime spree of stealing, not alone, but along side of her ex-spouse. Certainly a reason to deport a non-citizen until you get to the interview.
In visiting her last year in jail, I found a truly worn and early aging woman, battered with bruises on the face, her arms, & scars let on her neck that uniformly begged the question : How did this happen? How did this happen TO YOU?
The story unfolds like an onion, peel by peel revealing how she was forced to collaborate in these crimes of survival for her life given her ex’s compulsion for illegal narcotics, and need to pay the family bills. In the end, her actions were not ‘good enough’ as she was allegedly beaten into even further submission.
A decade later, she has found her ‘voice’. She talks of regaining her composure, her self esteem, her life in ridding herself of her love obsession and putting her energy back where it counts: Into her self and the family who support her growth and independence.
Battered domestic partner syndrome goes by other names and characteristics such as PTSD, however, it is a ‘known’ syndrome among the women and men who have suffered from it and those who treat it. It looks like domestic violence, and it is with some interesting additions. BDPS often look like ‘learned helplessness’ , where initially the ‘victim’ sides with the aggressor in considering them omnipresent and ‘knowing’ of everything about them.
In this way there is a leverage of ‘power’ that the spouse has over the over in ‘guilt-ing’ them into agreeing with their tactics of abuse, as rightful. However, over time, there can be reactiveness on the part of the abused to no longer side, and even become defiant and reactive to the abuse suffered. Sometimes in BDPS the victim becomes the offender in taking out a rage against the other, resulting in a ‘rightful revenge’.
Psychology Today recently published an article on domestic violence and highlight the report “Women, Domestic Violence, and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)” by Margaret J. Hughes and Loring Jones, “The severity of the violence, the duration of exposure, early-age onset, and the victim’s cognitive assessment of the violence (perceived degree of threat, predictability, and controllability) exacerbate the symptoms.”
The United States Office on Violence Against Women (the O.V.W.) suggests that every 9 seconds a spouse is abused by their partner, in leading BDPS as a leading cause of injury amongst women. Likewise, BDPS becomes a main player in the deportation of women who are abused in the US. Today the judge was sympathetic to this psychologist’s opinion in considering cancellation of deportation of the client. This only came after a report and professional testimony demonstrating that she was likely not to reoffend given her commitment to counseling and changes in her life.
If you are suffering form such a syndrome, or helping others who may experience it, get help or advice. It takes more than a single person to help these individuals, it takes a community. I work with attorneys who can case manage and bring the legal expertise you need to court. Please don’t hesitate to make contact to help with treat your emotional needs.