Tag Archives: boarding schools

How ‘smart’ is your kid?

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Idle hands....

Idle hands….

The number of parents that I’ve come into contact with over the years have suggested that their boy or girl is “soooo, sooo smart”.

However upon further deliberation, the ‘smart’ness that they are referring to really hasn’t much to do with ability to relate to others, adapt to their environment, or furthering themselves as young people transitioning into an adult world. It’s more about ego.

Perhaps it’s time to consider different forms of ‘smartness’? We know that there is ‘book smart’ vs ‘real-world’ smart. There are those with a genius around certain topics and then there are those who have more of a general superior intellectual ability.

However it may be deeper than that. There is a certain type of adaptive intelligence that speaks to the persons facility in being at ease wherever they may be located with themselves and with others. The ability to work collaboratively within a team and with the focus on constructing a purposeful life.

Characterological aspects of personality equate into intelligence, as well; things like honesty, straightforwardness, heart felt and strong moral consciousness. These factors all enter into how smart a person truly is to those who experience her or him.

Take this test for yourself as a parent:

1. My kid is not only the smartest in class; my kid is one of the warmest, friendliest, and kind kids I know.

2. My kid smartly plays well with other kids and is a member of the team, not just an individual left standing.

3. My kid does not take all the credit for her or himself, rather shares it with the other team members that were part of the process.

Many families contact us because their kids are ‘smart’, yet not productive. We can help. And at the end of the day, we shall see who is the ‘smartest’ of them all! Those who ask for help or those who don’t?

Are you the ‘inferior’ parent?

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Inferiority complex?# Are you the ‘inferior’ parent?

*Inferiority* is something we all grapple with, and some more than others. The word means to feel ‘less than’, and generally in terms of ‘rank’ or ‘status’. However, as a parent, you already have achieved this status, so what’s with the guilt? *Inferiorities* on the other hand are underdeveloped *attributes*.

1) Expectations. Keep ‘you’ vs. ‘*expectations*’ separate in your heart & mind. What are your expectations for parenting, and how do you meet or fall short of meeting those expectations?

Make a list, then ask youself: a) are my expectations too high? b) am I confusing ‘self worth’ with ‘self expecations’?

Comparisons. Look at other parents around you: Are they so different from you? Make a list:
1. a) what *attributes* do others have that you find important? b) how do you develop those *attributes* c) what supports do they own that contribute to their *success*?
2. b) what *attributes* do you own that they don’t? How did you develop those attributes? Do the same in building new ones!
3. Make a plan using a calendar of activities & outcome review. NOTHING happens without a plan. Google a parent support group or coach in your area. From Los Angeles (http://www.laparent.com) to London (http://londonparents.co.uk) you can find parent support groups with activities and education galore.

In the end, it’s not about *who* you are, it’s about *skills*. *Inferiorities are simply deficits that can be developed into attributes*. And follow the words of Eleanor Roosevelt. “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

*Inferiority complex*, however is an ongoing condition or state of being. If you have experienced this ongoing state, then seek out professional help from a therapist who specializes in treating those of your gender & has ongoing group counseling. Group work is essential in finding support.

One final invitation. Parenting is ‘tough work’. Many families have profited from ‘boarding school’ solutions that we have offered over the decades. It is not ‘sending them away’, rather, it is ‘an opportunity to succeed’ in life. Need proof? Click here: http://goo.gl/ezNMqd